A must read

To coincide with my Fifty Shades of Shit review I present....

This is quite hilarious and has some yummy chicken recipes. Save yourself the time and just pick this up over Shades of Grey. Eat and be entertained.

Hobo Meatless Monday

This meatless Monday should be an interesting one. Seeing as I am so poor and my last grocery purchases was candy and creamy vodka prego sauce (hey I was going to get a salad dressing!)

To my surprise though upon examining the contents of my fridge i found three zucchinis and some kale left over. Kale salad of my belly that I love so much and zucchini pasta with creamy vodka are on the menu tomorrow. Breakfast is a little bit of a question mark, probably just toast with PB2 and an orange.

I also still have some low carb tortillas so I may have a low carb cheese pizza tomorrow. Sadly no veggies, I wonder how Kale pares with smoked mozzarella?

Payday is Tuesday and what does my money go to...... FOODDDDD! I'm not at a celebratory weight yet so I am not spending it on clothes and I have a lot of make up I should be wearing (i've been totally lazy as of lately.) So food and floating with my head above water is where my money resides. And that cunt gas. Toodles all. Remember, Beans and Greens before Meat tomorrow.

Preach it baby.

Haters gonna hate

As I said in an earlier post...I think my first post, I never thought I was thin. I never thought I was fat or gross, until people started telling me I was. And until I noticed a very big difference between how I was treated and how my naturally thin friends were treated. But even around 115-125 (my smallest weight) I still had people from time to time comment about how overweight I was or could stand to lose more. Are you kidding? I ran a ton, I did yoga, I did kickboxing...I'm more active than you and you have the audacity to tell me to lose more weight? Okay...as an adolescence this was not my come back response. And I just gave in to the judging and ate more and stopped working out. I did so off and on but i was not consistent and the weight crept on. And it crept even into my early to mid twenties. I get into a fight with a boyfriend or lover or someone I've just been dating and the first attack move they make is about my weight. If I was so fucking fat then why the hell were you with me? I let the weakness and immaturity of others impair me and that wasn't the right move on my part.

This is just a reminder to all that you are not going to please everyone. There are more bullies than saints and those bullies are going to just bring you down to their level. The best thing you can do is brush it off as best as you can and move on. It is easier said than done, but you have to remind yourself that you are the better person and how sad it is that THEY feel the need to ATTACK on that level because they never learned anything different. Really, bullies are just a sad product of poor upbringing. Feel sympathy and not rage for these people.

Just an example of what ex lovers, strangers, friends, boyfriends, bullies thought was "fat".

The jr.high high school hunk everyone adored and me. I thought I was totes cool to have this photo, lol. I was about 115 here.

about 128 ish.

These next three were from my last summer in the 130s. I was probably the healthiest in this weight than in around 115 because I ate better and had more versatility in my exercises. Also I was proud of that belly. That was a belly that liked to do yoga, crunches, cardio, weights and ate in moderation. Sure I could have attempted to have washboard abs but I'd be miserable with out pasta.

Bottom line is even if I was 500lbs with a hunchback they had no right to say those things to me. No one is the authority of beauty least of all bullies. Fuck what others say. Life is about doing what makes you happy and not trying to please the world. Because the world sucks.

Here is one for you cave lifestyle advocates

Cavegirl Tuesday was as I suspected, filled with chronic dissatisfaction. Okay over exaggeration! But still, breakfast and dinner kind of sucked. My lunch however was on a scale of one to ten, one being an iceberg lettuce with cherry tomatoes and ten being a buca sized plate of spaghetti with a side of garlic bread.  I'd give my lunch a 5.5

I've become kind of obsessed with this salad. That is saying a lot because I usually hate salads. I associate them with chronic dissatisfaction and disappointment. I think I'm just going to refer to most salads as High School Boyfriend. But  not this one! I got this recipe from pinterest and I am totes appreciative of my obsession of looking for healthy recipes.

From:  http://katieatthekitchendoor.com/2012/01/05/cleanse-preview-kale-lovin/

Kale and Avocado Salad with Almonds, Apples and Nori

Adapted from Lucid Food.  Serves 2.

• 1/2 bunch of kale
• 1/2 avocado
• 2 TBS olive oil
• 1 small garlic clove, finely minced
• 1/2 tsp sea salt
• 1/4 c. almonds, toasted till golden brown
• 1 apple, diced
• 1 sheet of nori

1. Wash the kale leaves and shake them dry.  Remove the leaves from the thick stalks and tear leaves into bite sized pieces.  Place the kale, avocado, minced garlic, salt, and olive oil in a large bowl, and massage together with your hands for three minutes.  The kale should shrink and become tender.  Plate the kale mixture and top with 1/2 of the diced apple and half of the toasted almonds.  Use tongs to pick up the nori and pass it over an open burner on medium-low, 3-4 times for about 2 seconds each time.  Try not to let it catch fire!  As it passes over the open flame, the nori should turn bright green and get soft and pliable briefly.  Fold the nori in quarters, then use scissors to cut the quarters into long strips.  Sprinkle over salad.  Enjoy!

I didn't have Nori. I don't even know where to get it from. So instead I've been throwing in some spinach to give it more greens. I also don't use minced garlic or sea salt. I just used garlic salt. Best of both worlds.

The soup is a creamy cauliflower. This was okay, as I hate cauliflower this is saying a lot. Despite my hate I always try to give new cauliflower recipes a chance. They are so cheap and thin people swear by them. Why I  can't seem to figure out.

From: http://www.thekitchn.com/creamy-curried-cauliflower-soup-recipes-from-the-kitchn-187007

 Creamy Curried Cauliflower Soup

Serves 6-8

2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, plus more to serve
2 medium white onions, thinly sliced
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt, plus more to season
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 large head of cauliflower (about 2 pounds), trimmed and cut into florets
4 1/2 cups low-sodium vegetable broth (or water)
1/2 teaspoon coriander
1/2 teaspoon turmeric
1 1/4 teaspoon cumin
1 cup coconut milk
Freshly-ground black pepper, to season
1/4 cup roasted cashew halves, for garnish (optional, see Recipe Note)
1/4 cup finely chopped Italian parsley, for garnish (optional)
red chile pepper flakes, for garnish (optional)
Heat oil in a large pot over medium heat until shimmering. Cook the onions and 1/4 teaspoon salt until onions are soft and transluscent, 8-9 minutes. Reduce heat to low, add garlic and cook for 2 additional minutes. Add cauliflower, vegetable broth, coriander, turmeric, cumin, and remaining 1/4 teaspoon salt. Bring pot to a boil over medium-high heat, then reduce the heat to low. Simmer until cauliflower is fork-tender, about 15-17 minutes
Working in batches, purée the soup in a blender until smooth, and then return the soup to the soup pot. (Alternatively, use an immersion blender to purée the soup right in the pot.) Stir in the coconut milk and warm the soup. Taste and add more salt, pepper or spices if you’d like.
To serve, ladle the soup into favorite bowls and garnish with a handful of toasted cashews, a few springs of parsley, sprinkle of red chile flakes and a dash of olive oil to top.

Recipe Notes:

• To Toast the Cashews:  Preheat the oven to 350°F and lay cashews out on a baking sheet in a nice flat layer. Toast for 5-6 minutes, or until fragrant.

As promised recipes....

Meatless Monday recipes

Low carb tortilla pizza

one low carb tortilla
An assorted handful of cheese (i mixed Parmesan, mozzarella and smoked mozzarella)
a tablespoon of prego sauce
1/4 of a green pepper, 1/4 of a red pepper
handful of spinach
red pepper flakes to season.

bake for 400 for 10-15 minutes.

Opps almost forgot, coat the tortilla with a little bit of olive oil before topping with toppings. About 1/2 teaspoon worth of oil ( you really don't need much to coat it) This will give the tortilla a more thin crust taste.

Delicious and could be topped with meat to make it more hearty. Couldn't be a meal on its own  because its so few calories but maybe have it with a big salad and or top with more veggies.

Second meal. CousCous with zucchini and chickpeas

i got this meal from the weight watchers one pot recipe book. This is a great book. It gives you healthy recipes made with real ingredients and offers a lot of variety. Vegan and Vegetarian options galore. I decided on this after my sweet sweet momma bought me a beautiful Dutch Oven.

Isn't it adorable? When I move out (hopefully this century if the job fairies bless me) I have to buy it from her or buy her a new one.

I haven't had a lot of couscous dishes before but it always sounded delicious to me. Baby carbs! Mostly because of the memory of this movie and of my favorite chipmunk Theodore.

Vegetable & Chickpea Couscous

3 teaspoons of olive oil
1 large zucchini ( i used 2 smaller ones)
3 scallions, sliced
1 cup frozen peas, thawed
1 1/4 cup water
2 tablespoons of lemon juice
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon of curry powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1 cup of whole wheat couscous
1 can of chickpeas 15oz
3 tablespoons of crushed pistachios.

1. Heat 2 teaspoons of oil in medium dutch oven over medium heat. Add zucchini and cook, stirring until softened, about 5 minutes. Stir in scallions and peas, transfer to medium bowl and keep warm.

2. Combine water, lemon juice, remaining 1 teaspoon of oil, the cumin, curry, salt and pepper to dutch oven. Bring to boil. Remove pot from heat and stir in the 1 cup of couscous. Cover and let stand for five minutes. Stir in chickpeas and zucchini mixture, let stand for two minutes. serve sprinkled with pistachios.

Serves 4, one serving is 8 pts. per serving (1 and 1/2 cups 307 calories, 8g of fat, 49 g of carbs, 6 g of sugar, 11 g fiber and 13 g of protein.

Four and a half out of five stars for this dish. It was yummy, nutty and not filling but very very good. Packed with lots of good for you foods and big bonus its VEGAN!

Just a reminder

For today. My cavegirl thursday has been a bust. I'm at work for like ten hours today and I chose sleep over prepping my meals. But no worries. To prepare an actual paleo meal you need like 2 hours minimum, unless you are just cooking eggs or grabbing nuts(thats what she said!) So today I am just going to make sure i am within my weight watchers points of the day. I am allowed to go over a little bit seeing as I have earned activity points(you earn points with each work out) and you get a point allowence for the week (that you can use on a cheat meal....teriyaki...) I have not tapped into either so far. Go me!

This is just a reminder to stay strong and realize that i have a long journey ahead of me. I didn't put on this weight overnight and sadly one healthy meal will not make me 125lbs. A reminder to all who are in the same boat. We aren't sinking.

CHEEEEEEEEESSSSSSEEEEEE

I love cheese. Legit good cheese that should be served on a chic cheese plate with plump red grapes and exotic figs. But.... I am a little lactose intolerant....whaaaattt!?!?! I've struggled with cutting dairy out of my life for good and i could live without milk(its kinda gross, right?) but cheese? Nope. It goes with everything! It is also low in carbs(which is a lot harmful to me than dairy) and its a great side for veggies. Dairy will have to stay in my diet for a while, at least until I'm a size 2( keep dreaming, fats domino!) I avoid milk when I can though (vanilla and chocolate almond is so much yummier!)

More blogs coming soon, especially one about my foods the past couple of days. Recipes included. Enjoy my cheese tribute. (p.s if you know the guy above you're a 90s child just like moi)

New Regime

With summer just around the corner I do not want to spend another sunny day covering my arms and much of my legs. I know I've missed that window of opportunity not getting it together last fall to have a truly glorious summer of being slim but BETTER LATE THAN NEVER is what I keep telling myself. And living in the Northwest summer technically does not star till mid July...so I've got some time!

So unless I get a fairy godmother who grants me the wish of being a size 4 with a flat belly, no back titties and no health issues I sadly will probably not be looking like this this summer....

But at least if I start taking care of myself now, hitting the gym 4-5 times a week and really watching what I eat I won't be spending the summer looking like this...

I weighed myself for the first time in months last week and I couldn't have been more mad at myself. I have avoided it for so long like a stupid idiot. When most peoples clothes feel a little snug its because they are having a food baby or on their period or perhaps gained a couple of lbs. When my clothes fit a little snug its because I've gained 10lbs pounds. It really creeps up on me like a dirty molester in the night. But I'm glad I was ballsy enough to do it. I will not announce my weight on here at least until I may my silver weight loss goal (2nd or 3rd) but I will say this even if you don't follow the BMI chart (which I don't) it isn't a healthy weight for my height and it does not look good. Put a dress on a potato and you have my body. Okay that is mean please don't think I am body dysmorphic.

I think even though the break up what absolutely what I wanted I was still very much mourning the relationship. Its sad, yo. It was the best choice for both of us but it still makes me sad. I think I was much more like this than I had anticipated I would be.

 

okay you may be hating me right now. Think I'm cruel. shallow, immature okay. I am probably all the above. But I've got ambition and big dreams for myself.

 

New Goals for myself:

 

4-5 times a week of gym time. 6 if I am feeling up to it. The 6th day being, yoga, pilates or even just a long walk with the dogs. Some physical activity that doesn't necessarly involve the gym.

 

Try something new once a week. The possibilities for this are endless! It can by physical related (zumba anyone?), it can be intellectual ( support your local bookstore, damn the amazon man!), or it can be food related. I've never tried deep fat fried twinkies so that is a no, but try a new food like parsnips or brazil nuts.

 

FOOD FOOD FOOD! This has been my down fall since the dawn of my time. I love food. Fried foods, saucey foods, sweet foods, spicey foods give it to me give it to me. but I gotta want to be thin more than I want a plate of french fries.

 

I know I need to prioritize my foods or else I will fail and never get remotely close to being fit. You know this, I know this and my sex life knows this. So I've set up goals and meal plans for myself.

 

I've signed myself up again for weight watchers. My beef with weight watchers in the past is they really nix a lot of good for you food simply because of the fat. They really need to get over the whole fat is bad concept. You know what is bad? The chemical low cal shit storms you promote on your website. But... I've decded to rejoin because weight watchers does help keep track of your food, gives you insightful types, community support and when you do cheat you know just how bad you've cheated and know how to quickly correct it.

 

 

So just to clarify I will not be buying any of the suggest weight watchers products. I will however eat real foods and figure them into my points plus. I hope that the combo of the two will ensure weight loss and prevent me from starving if I dare I allow myself a side of starch or a yummy fried treat not on my meal plan.

1. Monday: Meatless menu. Its very important that if you aren't a vegan or vegetarian to have one day without meats. Its good for your body, makes you aware of your food and its great for the planet,
2. Cavegirl Tuesday: I loathe paleo as a lifestyle choice. A life without ice cream, parmesan and potatoes? Bitch please. But my body does like paleo foods (when I cook them right). And I support what the meal plan enforces. WHOLE FOODS!
3. weight watcher wednesday- try a weight watchers recipe, eat a small treat here or there but not starchy carbs after 5 and must have veggie and fruit with every meal. 
4. Cavegirl Thursday: Repeat!
5. Pescetarian(sp?) friday. Fish and eggs are okay. Same as wednesday just no livestock and no starchy carbs after 5.
    
 
6. Cheat Meal- This can be whatever my heart desires. I've been jonesing for some teriyaki for about a week or two. It will be the cheat of the week. The rest of the day will include two either low carb meal, one meatless meal or one paleo meal.
7. Sunday repeat of saturday. I can allow myself one cheat meal but the other two must fit with the weekly guidelines easy. I feel is pretty reasonable. 

I got goals. Back to the weight thing. I have targets I want to meet. I know its a lot of weight to lose but I really would like to make it to that happy weight loss goal.I also should reward myself when i do good.

 

1.) First ten pounds gone : Delux Manicure or Eyebrow wax from Gene Juarez

 

2.) 15-20lbs weight loss :Balayage Hair treatment.

 

 

3.) 25lbs weight loss: 40 dollar forever 21 or H&M spree!

 

4.) 30-35 lbs: Passport!!!!!!!! I may not be able to afford Europe but it would be nice to have that passport issue taken care of if I ever win a trip.

 

I really hope I do not plateau at 30-35lbs. I am sure I will as I am no longer 20. Ideally I'd like to lose 42 to 62 pounds. That may seem like a lot..and boy it sure is.

 

If I ever make 50lbs weight loss...Anthropologie here I come.

 

 

 



 



What happens when I cook paleo

Faileo. Ends in utter disaster. I consider myself a decent cook but this Broccoli with coconut cream sauce soup looks like something that came of out Linda Blairs ass.

 

I tried a bite. Weird. I can't eat foul looking food. 

Once a cheater

always a cheater.

Not sure what my beef is. I want to be thin. I want to be healthy and fit. There are many many reasons for me to be driven to become this  but every diet trend I follow just fails. YES I know diets set you up for failure but here it is guys....every single diet sorry lifestyle choice tells you THIS IS NOT A FAD DIET. That is the great lie they all tell you.

I was hungry for three days on Glycemic load. With much respect to the diet I do think I took the low carb aspect of it too far.  I feel gross eating veggies and meat on an empty stomach, probably means I am sicker than I first thought. Also, the thought of eating all that heavy cream and milk makes my stomach want to pack its bags and leave.

I will also admit that I have bad anxiety. When I get hungry I panic. I live in America, food is everywhere. I will not starve! But when ever I do lifestyle change my body starts to immediately panic about what my next meal will be.  I'll also start to freak more if I'm hungry after eating. I really don't know where this comes from but imagining trying to get into shape and having this thought behind every bite. It got to the point where I've been losing sleep.

Its not just the food issue. I feel that since my break up I should have already had a 180 with my life. It seems like everyone else is moving forward and I'm coasting. If I ran into my ex now my reaction would be to scream obscenities. Not just because he royally pissed me off but because I'm pissed at myself for going no where. Now if I was thin and ran into him.... yeah he would be sorry.

So whats a girl to do when she is stuck in a sea of self doubt?

Diets are balls. Listen to your body. If you are hungry eat. If you are not don't. You need to work out to improve your body and have a better sex life with your fantasy boyfriend...the governor..

Also ask yourself, WWTGD? What would the Governor do? Destroy what he thinks might be trying to destroy him.

Kind of really hungry

I hate health bloggers. I hate them and there, Look at my salad isn't it glorious? I don't even miss carbs, gosh I'm so full. Fruits and veggies have so much fiber christ I have never been more full!!!!!

I call bull shit. I've been hungry for the past three days since saying adios for the past three days. I've eaten my weight in veggies, fruits, cheeses, greek yogurt and meat. Ugh. Yesterday morning I woke up desperate for a baked french bread with olive oil and balsamic, this morning i was dreaming of spaghetti. I'd like to think that this isn't hunger but it is all in my head. Its hard to think that when your stomach is punching you from the inside like some angry baby.

I have cheated a couple of times. Don't look at me like that. Dr. Thompson of the Gylcemic index says a bite of refined carbohydrates will not hurt you. A bite of any food will not kill you so please get over it. I had a bite of potato. Okay half a bite. Then I had a bite of cake. I stopped at one bite so I am not counting it.

Anyway this diet does blow. But I will say it makes you realize how many starches you actually do eat. I am very aware that I had starch with every meal. As we all know too much of a good thing is a bad thing. I want to try to stick with this though for as long as I can. I will allow a legit cheat meal a week and this week it will probably be parmeasen noodles or fries.

In other news I keep wanting to say fuck it to this diet....ooo excuse me other health nuts "lifestyle change" but then I look at my non collarbone, the weird rash I get when I eat too much sugar, the acne scars from sugar break outs that I did NOT pop but have left an imprint on me regardless and then I look at pictures of David Morrissey aka the walking dead governor.

I think I understand why I am so attracted to him. He is an older strong tall sexy fuck face of a man. I dated a man child for four years. This appeals to me. I know I have a 12 year old crush on him BUT the idea of him and potentially attracting someone like this makes me stay away from the starches. Maybe the starvation will pass......sigh.

 First nights dinner. Roasted pepper soup with steak fajita tacos. Avocado, cheese and bell pepper included.

Up above is todays breaksfasts. Which I inhaled. Plain Greek Yogurt, all bran, vanilla extract, strawberries and truvia and one fried egg.

Further above is my salad and soup. Soup is a garden veggie compliments of the cafe and my homemade salad of kale, dark leafy greens, apple, feta, sliced almonds and a raspberry vinaigrette.

Yeah....still hungry.