Hello all,
I'm Vitoria. You may know me from my other blog; Deep Thoughts: Books and Film which I update once every blue moon. (All my book reviews are in my head). Or you know me through my facebook. Hi! But i thought I'd start a new one to update the world on my ups and downs of the diet world. I am a 28 year old female who has always carried extra weight. Even at my smallest adolescent weight (115) and my smallest adult weight (130) I have been called every fat insult in the book. For a better visualization I'm 5'2 and according to the flaw filled BMI calculator 115 and 130 are perfectly normal for that height. In the eyes of the world around me it wasn't. Therefore, i got the idea in my mind that no matter what weight I was I'd always be fat.....fast forward to the future I weigh more than both those amounts (not combined thankfully) by quite a bit and nothing has been resolved.
I've let strangers, boyfriends, lovers, old friends, co-workers, school mates label me all my life and I don't know why. Well...maybe I'm a masochist. Fact is even when I was comfortable in my own skin at any weight I've been I've always gotten a huge smack in the face by someone who feels my comfort should be their target. This was wrong. I regret it greatly. I wish i would have told them to fuck themselves with a chainsaw and not gently. But I didn't and I can't change time.
Moving on from this pity party. I can't change my past but I am in charge of my future. I have high hopes for this future. I got out of a pretty serious relationship a few months back, a huge reason being my life was really not where i wanted it to be and the person I was with didn't think the future me fit the mold of who he wanted me to be. Oh well. I'm hurt. I'm not broken. Right now is a time for me to be selfish and to go after what I want. To be the person that I would want to meet and get to know. I need to not give a fuck about others expectations for me and just live life for me. Selfish? Somewhat but necessary.
This blog is for me to vent about health issues, the highs and lows of becoming fit and a long long journey to meeting my new future self.
No comments:
Post a Comment