Meatless Monday-
Remember I mentioned something about a big hippie that lives in me and feels guilt whenever i embark on some tasteless low carb adventure? Well I am right, there is a big hippie in me and sadly it isn't a pot smoking anarchist who uses reusable maxi bads (I've seen them at health markets.)
The hippie in me loves animals, probably a lot more than people. I'd watch a movie where teens get blown to bits before watching a movie where someone kicks a dog.
Despite being very into beauty I do try tho make sure all my products are not tested on animals and have received the loco PETA approval. I'm no hypocrit, I'll admit there are products I own that may or may not(have not specified so most likely do) but in my defense I've tried the animal friendly products and they do nothing for me. My hair is the most ridiculous and I must have my Kerastase or Fredric Fekkai or else I have Inigo Montoya hair from Princess bride. Or I have to use crest toothpaste and Secret deoderant. The vegan ones I bought left my mouth feeling as if it had gunk in it and I smelled like a barn with the deoderant.
So I won't lie and plead not guilty to never using animal products. However, I do feel more comfortable ethically if I don't over induldge.
As a general rule of thumb I try to stick to meatless monday. I don't consume meat that much because I'm so poor (thanks museum). But I wanted to pick a day where I strictly don't eat it any more. Going meatless just one day a week helps the environment a ton! Google it. Link provided below, if you are unable.
Todays meals included:
Vegan smoothie- blackberries, peaches, pom juice, almond milk and cranberries.
lunch: low carb pizza with spinach and pineapple. Was strange but okay. I'll post a picture and recipe tomorrow for those interested.
Dinner: Eggplant parmesan and side of spaghetti with red pepper flakes.
Second dinner: (don't judge I was starving) Once slice whole wheat bread and a small bowl of cereal. Still meatless.
It wasn't the best meal plan for veggie monday, considering the lack of veggies but I am poor poor till thursday. I plan to spend a little extra on veggies because....well I just need to eat more. And I think I need to break up with pasta for a little bit. Being poor it is a go to food and we both need to see other people.
In addition to meatless monday I'm going to start Vegan Fridays. Meatless Monday will eventually turn into vegan but I just bought a lot of cheese last pay period and I don't want to waste it. My body can handle cheese so long as I don't go overboard but I think to fully benefit the animal community If I do consume dairy I have a serving a day, if that. I can do without it for those two full days a week.
http://www.meatlessmonday.com/
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Where you see yourself....
I meant to write a continuation of my last blog last night. However, I was fearful I was coming down with the flu. Did you know there is some new crazy australian flu going around in addition to the common flu? Balls! We are so overpopulated and pollute the world so much we will create some superbug that kills us. I hope it only targets animal abusers and child molesters....and kirk cameron.
Moving on.. I don't think I have the flu. But last night I had a random pounding head ache, pain in my left arm and severe (over statement) pain in my lower back. I crawled into bed late and slept for ten and a half hours. Whatever it was i think sleep might have killed it but I still feel a little loopy.
Okay but really moving on. When you were growing up didn't you just hate the question; "Where do you see yourself in (insert time frame)? I never knew how to answer. In jr. high and high school I just wanted to work in the fashion industry. I even sent info out to top design schools and never heard back from any of them. How could they know I was a chubby short mexican from suburban washington? I was even going to go to the Art institute in seattle for fashion (my moms urging) but she told me i should do graphic design (her urging as well which btw I was not nerely as talented as everyone else and that was a huge flop). But still year after year I never knew how to answer that question. After graduating college I assumed I could answer the question as such; have a great job in the art world, travel, maybe be in a serious relationship and live on my own. I sorta got this. I work at a museum but its far from great, I have traveled kudos to me but not to any desired European locations, I was in a serious relationship but happy I'm not and still live at home (no full time work, student loans, credit card happy and a 4 year boyfriend that NEVER wanted to live with you = me at 28.)
I guess you all might be wondering why I am talking about this. Vitoria, this has nothing to do with weight loss or living a healthy lifestyle, wtf? It sorta does. Losing weight is a long journey that many people don't fully commit to; either because they are for lack of better word lazy, unmotivated or just find it difficult (all of the above). Some people, when finally losing the weight are not sure what to do once they've reached their goals. Can I eat cheeseburgers for breakfast? Will people automatically love me more because i'm thin? Will I start living my life for me now? Ect ect. I think SOME people are not prepaired for the after world of a new them and this can lead to weight gain (believe me i know).
Therefore, I think it is important for people in any walk of life and especially those who are on the road towards a healthier life to ask themselves, "Where do you see yourself in (time frame insert)?"
Lets do a Where do I see myself when I'm 35. I'd do 30 but that is only two years away(ah!) so let's do 35 so that gives me more time to accomplish,
Being physically satisfied with myself. Excepting the things I can not change and changing the thinks I can. Feeling good in my own skin. I may not be 105lbs but if I could fit into a size 4 or 6 jeans again. I'd be over the moon.
I see myself being financially independent.
I see myself in a job that I love or highly like. Hopefully something still in the art world, or perhaps branching out to writing or fashion. Two of the things Ich liebe.
I see myself as being semi world traveled. Explored the Swiss alps, conversed with strangers in French and German, sprawled on some hot beaches with crystal clear waves and naked forgeiners, explored the medieval castles of England and shared mead with the tomb of Henry VIII (extreme tool), and lounged in the thermal baths of Iceland.
I see myself sophisticated, chic, fabulous styles that I normally wouldn't wear for fear of being judged.
If it is written in the stars...perhaps engaged or married. I'll be honest and unfortunately I wasn't as honest about this in my recent relationship. Being a mother and being a wife is pretty low on my lists of accomplishments. That doesn't mean I never want to be married. I'd love to have some magical fairytale romance that apparently lasts through the ages, like a moronic Nicholas Sparks book but hopefully cooler and doesn't involve moving to either Carolinas. But right now that is not what I want or need. And children..don't get me started. I give praise to the gods I never had any unexpected surprises. Right now I need to be important, I need to be the person I want to meet and be around. Its a time where I can be selfish and I love that. The two provided photos are meant to signify me owning my own home (ignore the happy couple) and the dress...right now I care more about the wedding dress than any actual wedding good sign I'm not ready for marriage.
Not to say that if Tom Hiddleston wanted to take me home I wouldnt go. I said I was anti relationships but ask me again in a few months if I'm anti safe rendevous. Aww fuck it...yes yes a few glorious affairs are something I wont deny myself before settling down. SAFE always always safe and not with ranom strangers. I can name all the few men I have slept with so I am not a loose woman. Also, reason for getting into shape as I delicately put it in a blog entry prior, I don't want to have fat sex. Fat sex is ass.
Stop judging.
I'd also go home with The Governor from Walking Dead AKA David Morrisey AKA man of my dreams. OOOO dreamweaver....
Moving on.. I don't think I have the flu. But last night I had a random pounding head ache, pain in my left arm and severe (over statement) pain in my lower back. I crawled into bed late and slept for ten and a half hours. Whatever it was i think sleep might have killed it but I still feel a little loopy.
Okay but really moving on. When you were growing up didn't you just hate the question; "Where do you see yourself in (insert time frame)? I never knew how to answer. In jr. high and high school I just wanted to work in the fashion industry. I even sent info out to top design schools and never heard back from any of them. How could they know I was a chubby short mexican from suburban washington? I was even going to go to the Art institute in seattle for fashion (my moms urging) but she told me i should do graphic design (her urging as well which btw I was not nerely as talented as everyone else and that was a huge flop). But still year after year I never knew how to answer that question. After graduating college I assumed I could answer the question as such; have a great job in the art world, travel, maybe be in a serious relationship and live on my own. I sorta got this. I work at a museum but its far from great, I have traveled kudos to me but not to any desired European locations, I was in a serious relationship but happy I'm not and still live at home (no full time work, student loans, credit card happy and a 4 year boyfriend that NEVER wanted to live with you = me at 28.)
I guess you all might be wondering why I am talking about this. Vitoria, this has nothing to do with weight loss or living a healthy lifestyle, wtf? It sorta does. Losing weight is a long journey that many people don't fully commit to; either because they are for lack of better word lazy, unmotivated or just find it difficult (all of the above). Some people, when finally losing the weight are not sure what to do once they've reached their goals. Can I eat cheeseburgers for breakfast? Will people automatically love me more because i'm thin? Will I start living my life for me now? Ect ect. I think SOME people are not prepaired for the after world of a new them and this can lead to weight gain (believe me i know).
Therefore, I think it is important for people in any walk of life and especially those who are on the road towards a healthier life to ask themselves, "Where do you see yourself in (time frame insert)?"
Lets do a Where do I see myself when I'm 35. I'd do 30 but that is only two years away(ah!) so let's do 35 so that gives me more time to accomplish,
Being physically satisfied with myself. Excepting the things I can not change and changing the thinks I can. Feeling good in my own skin. I may not be 105lbs but if I could fit into a size 4 or 6 jeans again. I'd be over the moon.
I see myself being financially independent.
I see myself in a job that I love or highly like. Hopefully something still in the art world, or perhaps branching out to writing or fashion. Two of the things Ich liebe.
I see myself as being semi world traveled. Explored the Swiss alps, conversed with strangers in French and German, sprawled on some hot beaches with crystal clear waves and naked forgeiners, explored the medieval castles of England and shared mead with the tomb of Henry VIII (extreme tool), and lounged in the thermal baths of Iceland.
I see myself sophisticated, chic, fabulous styles that I normally wouldn't wear for fear of being judged.
If it is written in the stars...perhaps engaged or married. I'll be honest and unfortunately I wasn't as honest about this in my recent relationship. Being a mother and being a wife is pretty low on my lists of accomplishments. That doesn't mean I never want to be married. I'd love to have some magical fairytale romance that apparently lasts through the ages, like a moronic Nicholas Sparks book but hopefully cooler and doesn't involve moving to either Carolinas. But right now that is not what I want or need. And children..don't get me started. I give praise to the gods I never had any unexpected surprises. Right now I need to be important, I need to be the person I want to meet and be around. Its a time where I can be selfish and I love that. The two provided photos are meant to signify me owning my own home (ignore the happy couple) and the dress...right now I care more about the wedding dress than any actual wedding good sign I'm not ready for marriage.
Not to say that if Tom Hiddleston wanted to take me home I wouldnt go. I said I was anti relationships but ask me again in a few months if I'm anti safe rendevous. Aww fuck it...yes yes a few glorious affairs are something I wont deny myself before settling down. SAFE always always safe and not with ranom strangers. I can name all the few men I have slept with so I am not a loose woman. Also, reason for getting into shape as I delicately put it in a blog entry prior, I don't want to have fat sex. Fat sex is ass.
Stop judging.
Friday, January 25, 2013
A floppy hoppy fail
Hello all,
As promised I giveith unto you a new blog post. Well...remember when I said I was going to stick to paleo for one solid week...did not happen. I was good and true to the diet, ate plenty of protein, veggies and fruits but yet i hungered for more. As previously stated in a blog prior I found I only slept better because I was too exhausted from hunger. I'm not sure what my beef is. Plenty of followers of this diet do not experience this immediate hunger as i have. i have friends who swear by the diets, bloggers praising it and people losing tons of weight. I wondered if I was just weak and have no discipline. But while I endured the pains of hunger I kept thinking in the back of my mind how many health professionals have said, "don't starve yourself, it only ruins your metabolism." I heard this over and over in my mind until I gave into the need for carb. I made myself two tacos and rice and got heartburn later that night. Hungry? No. Feeling ill, yes.
Now if any paleo enthusiast is reading this please do not think I haven't tried to stick to this diet (oh pardon me lifestyle). I've tried many many times and have spent many many dollars despite my minimal paychecks on this so called healthy life style. The result is I'm broke, hungry and yes I lose weight but as soon as I eat something I once enjoyed BOOM! With that said I have always been attracted to the diet because I agree with the key elements behind it. I agree that you should eat WHOLE foods, not processed, you should be eating organically as you can, humans should eat less carbohydrates and less or no dairy but that depends on ethnicity and allergies. Obviously if you are gluten or lactose intolerant those things should not be in your diet, just like if you are allergic to peanuts you don't eat peanuts. Believe me if I was money bags, didn't feel ethically wrong about eating mass amounts of meat, and wasn't so hangry all the time I'd like to stick to this diet over all.
And like all diets I hate how each one tries to sell you on immortality. "You'll feel and look so much better and live so much longer." Really now? So you can predict the future? So long as I eat this way I'll never develop a cold? If I eat this way I can wrestle a great white from eating me? I will live to see us land on Mars if I swear to never eat spaghetti again? Oh my glob! You can not promise people immortality. There have been healthy people who have developed cancer or other autoimmune diseases and shouldn't feel guilty over it because they once upon a time indulged in something that did not fit into a diets guidelines. I believe in people developing healthy eating habits that work for them. If paleo works for you fantastic, if you're a vegan and love it SUPER! You may not live to be 200 years old but you can live happily and healthily.
Lets talk about me. I'm sure my statements on diets have pissed off, induced eye rolling or closed this blog off entirely. If you're still reading this...me gusta.
I will still eat paleo meals. I'm not gluten intolerant but I eat too many carbohydrates. I do have a dairy allergy though. I will not eat paleo meals full time. But i did get a paleo slow cooker and I'll be damned if I never make Chicken coconut curry or try their coconut cream of broccoli soup, ever. But I need a more effective. By effective I mean, something I can live with and still lose weight because as shallow as it may sound to some that is my main focus. I will throw myself off a cliff if I have to endure another summer in long sleeved clothes and pants. Dramatic, maybe?
What am i to do you ask? Well.... i haven't fully decided but I think I might try weight watchers for one month. I think that weight watchers does make sense. It gives you a point system which you are allowed a day, it encourages you to eat plenty of fruits and veggies for zero point value and it doesn't beat you up if you do indulge. My only beef with it is, TONS of the recipes call for low fat, egg substitute and sugar free. Remember my thing about eating whole foods? Yeah...I'm still going to stick to that. I'm going to incorporate things from a paleo lifestyle, from a vegan lifestyle( dairy allergy and big hippie guilt) and a few things that I like. I'll cook recipes from them that uses real ingredients and I may still stick with a sugar free drink every now and then ( I loooove coconut cascade water and an occasional diet soda.)
This may be the best route for me. Again, I still agree that a healthy human diet should include plenty of fruits and veggies and good for you protein, I do think that it is also important to live within your budget. Try new foods, figure out what you like. Tracy Anderson super fit celebrity trainer said on larry king, "People who cut food groups out of their diet are often the most miserable." In my eyes this excludes allergies of course, but I have to agree. Thats why models are so bitchy.
As promised I giveith unto you a new blog post. Well...remember when I said I was going to stick to paleo for one solid week...did not happen. I was good and true to the diet, ate plenty of protein, veggies and fruits but yet i hungered for more. As previously stated in a blog prior I found I only slept better because I was too exhausted from hunger. I'm not sure what my beef is. Plenty of followers of this diet do not experience this immediate hunger as i have. i have friends who swear by the diets, bloggers praising it and people losing tons of weight. I wondered if I was just weak and have no discipline. But while I endured the pains of hunger I kept thinking in the back of my mind how many health professionals have said, "don't starve yourself, it only ruins your metabolism." I heard this over and over in my mind until I gave into the need for carb. I made myself two tacos and rice and got heartburn later that night. Hungry? No. Feeling ill, yes.
Now if any paleo enthusiast is reading this please do not think I haven't tried to stick to this diet (oh pardon me lifestyle). I've tried many many times and have spent many many dollars despite my minimal paychecks on this so called healthy life style. The result is I'm broke, hungry and yes I lose weight but as soon as I eat something I once enjoyed BOOM! With that said I have always been attracted to the diet because I agree with the key elements behind it. I agree that you should eat WHOLE foods, not processed, you should be eating organically as you can, humans should eat less carbohydrates and less or no dairy but that depends on ethnicity and allergies. Obviously if you are gluten or lactose intolerant those things should not be in your diet, just like if you are allergic to peanuts you don't eat peanuts. Believe me if I was money bags, didn't feel ethically wrong about eating mass amounts of meat, and wasn't so hangry all the time I'd like to stick to this diet over all.
And like all diets I hate how each one tries to sell you on immortality. "You'll feel and look so much better and live so much longer." Really now? So you can predict the future? So long as I eat this way I'll never develop a cold? If I eat this way I can wrestle a great white from eating me? I will live to see us land on Mars if I swear to never eat spaghetti again? Oh my glob! You can not promise people immortality. There have been healthy people who have developed cancer or other autoimmune diseases and shouldn't feel guilty over it because they once upon a time indulged in something that did not fit into a diets guidelines. I believe in people developing healthy eating habits that work for them. If paleo works for you fantastic, if you're a vegan and love it SUPER! You may not live to be 200 years old but you can live happily and healthily.
Lets talk about me. I'm sure my statements on diets have pissed off, induced eye rolling or closed this blog off entirely. If you're still reading this...me gusta.
I will still eat paleo meals. I'm not gluten intolerant but I eat too many carbohydrates. I do have a dairy allergy though. I will not eat paleo meals full time. But i did get a paleo slow cooker and I'll be damned if I never make Chicken coconut curry or try their coconut cream of broccoli soup, ever. But I need a more effective. By effective I mean, something I can live with and still lose weight because as shallow as it may sound to some that is my main focus. I will throw myself off a cliff if I have to endure another summer in long sleeved clothes and pants. Dramatic, maybe?
What am i to do you ask? Well.... i haven't fully decided but I think I might try weight watchers for one month. I think that weight watchers does make sense. It gives you a point system which you are allowed a day, it encourages you to eat plenty of fruits and veggies for zero point value and it doesn't beat you up if you do indulge. My only beef with it is, TONS of the recipes call for low fat, egg substitute and sugar free. Remember my thing about eating whole foods? Yeah...I'm still going to stick to that. I'm going to incorporate things from a paleo lifestyle, from a vegan lifestyle( dairy allergy and big hippie guilt) and a few things that I like. I'll cook recipes from them that uses real ingredients and I may still stick with a sugar free drink every now and then ( I loooove coconut cascade water and an occasional diet soda.)
This may be the best route for me. Again, I still agree that a healthy human diet should include plenty of fruits and veggies and good for you protein, I do think that it is also important to live within your budget. Try new foods, figure out what you like. Tracy Anderson super fit celebrity trainer said on larry king, "People who cut food groups out of their diet are often the most miserable." In my eyes this excludes allergies of course, but I have to agree. Thats why models are so bitchy.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Safe Magazines
Smart purchase.
Also, the drink is a soy chai. I know soy is not Paleo but I gave up on that pretty quickly. I will let you all know why later. In my defense I had good reason.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
One day down
HUNGRY!
I did not want to wake up this morning because I knew the food I would have to face today. Paleo ball sack!
I honestly don't know how people stick to this. They are in a perpetual euphoric state, "I love steak and eggs, bacon and brussel sprouts are lord, I don't even like pizza any more." Blah blah you all make me sick (This is my hunger speaking.)
My diet yesterday consisted of;
Bfast: Three egg omletet with salt and pepper and half a grapefruit.
Lunch: sweet potato basil soup(This is okay but the consistency and texture reminds me of baby food), a big cucumber salad and the other half of my grapefruit.
SNACKS: I came home very very hangry. I ate a small square of dark chocolate (70%) cacao and a banana.
Dinner: Steak and asparagus.
Snacks: ten baby carrots, a celery stalk and a lara bar.
Paleo does promise one thing. You will sleep better. That is because you are light headed from hunger.
Todays meals so far;
Blueberry larabar and banana.
lunch will include another large cucumber salad but with stead and sweet potato soup.
snack: dried cranberries and sliced almonds.
Dinner will be: Lettuce wrap tacos (I think I might throw some cheese on it) I know NOT paleo but I don't dig this whole not eating thing.
I did not want to wake up this morning because I knew the food I would have to face today. Paleo ball sack!
I honestly don't know how people stick to this. They are in a perpetual euphoric state, "I love steak and eggs, bacon and brussel sprouts are lord, I don't even like pizza any more." Blah blah you all make me sick (This is my hunger speaking.)
My diet yesterday consisted of;
Bfast: Three egg omletet with salt and pepper and half a grapefruit.
Lunch: sweet potato basil soup(This is okay but the consistency and texture reminds me of baby food), a big cucumber salad and the other half of my grapefruit.
SNACKS: I came home very very hangry. I ate a small square of dark chocolate (70%) cacao and a banana.
Dinner: Steak and asparagus.
Snacks: ten baby carrots, a celery stalk and a lara bar.
Paleo does promise one thing. You will sleep better. That is because you are light headed from hunger.
Todays meals so far;
Blueberry larabar and banana.
lunch will include another large cucumber salad but with stead and sweet potato soup.
snack: dried cranberries and sliced almonds.
Dinner will be: Lettuce wrap tacos (I think I might throw some cheese on it) I know NOT paleo but I don't dig this whole not eating thing.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Paleo or as I like to call it starve yourself thin
1.) I'm not happy.
2.) I'm not healthy.
3.) I eat way too many carbs and need to diversify my food palate.
4.) I'm allergic to dairy and may be gluten intolerant (very mildly)
5.) I want to fit into smaller cuter clothes.
7.) My skin is freaking the fuck out because of my current diet.
8.) One day in the distant future I would like to get laid.
I have been unfair with this diet though. I'd like to stick to it for one solid week to truly see how it makes me feel. There are many many people who swear by this way of living and can't fathom returning back to their old ways. I wonder what is wrong with these people. I wonder if there is something wrong with me because in the multiple attempts of eating paleo I have fallen on my face and been completely miserable. I lost weight. But I was starving. I've done a lot of research, done a lot of recipe pinning and spent a huge chunk of my paycheck on food (according to a paleo blogger though cost shouldn't matter because at least I wont get cancer, LOL!) I'm ready to commit to a solid week of paleo eating. If the benefits outweigh the bad I will add another week. Lets do this.
PS: This chart says no alcohol or sugar, BUT I found a paleo steak marinade that includes both. Tonight will be a small exception. I feel that I need both and steak to combat these horrid cramps.
PPS: I'm already hungry.
Introduction of a hungry girl
Hello all,
I'm Vitoria. You may know me from my other blog; Deep Thoughts: Books and Film which I update once every blue moon. (All my book reviews are in my head). Or you know me through my facebook. Hi! But i thought I'd start a new one to update the world on my ups and downs of the diet world. I am a 28 year old female who has always carried extra weight. Even at my smallest adolescent weight (115) and my smallest adult weight (130) I have been called every fat insult in the book. For a better visualization I'm 5'2 and according to the flaw filled BMI calculator 115 and 130 are perfectly normal for that height. In the eyes of the world around me it wasn't. Therefore, i got the idea in my mind that no matter what weight I was I'd always be fat.....fast forward to the future I weigh more than both those amounts (not combined thankfully) by quite a bit and nothing has been resolved.
I've let strangers, boyfriends, lovers, old friends, co-workers, school mates label me all my life and I don't know why. Well...maybe I'm a masochist. Fact is even when I was comfortable in my own skin at any weight I've been I've always gotten a huge smack in the face by someone who feels my comfort should be their target. This was wrong. I regret it greatly. I wish i would have told them to fuck themselves with a chainsaw and not gently. But I didn't and I can't change time.
Moving on from this pity party. I can't change my past but I am in charge of my future. I have high hopes for this future. I got out of a pretty serious relationship a few months back, a huge reason being my life was really not where i wanted it to be and the person I was with didn't think the future me fit the mold of who he wanted me to be. Oh well. I'm hurt. I'm not broken. Right now is a time for me to be selfish and to go after what I want. To be the person that I would want to meet and get to know. I need to not give a fuck about others expectations for me and just live life for me. Selfish? Somewhat but necessary.
This blog is for me to vent about health issues, the highs and lows of becoming fit and a long long journey to meeting my new future self.
I'm Vitoria. You may know me from my other blog; Deep Thoughts: Books and Film which I update once every blue moon. (All my book reviews are in my head). Or you know me through my facebook. Hi! But i thought I'd start a new one to update the world on my ups and downs of the diet world. I am a 28 year old female who has always carried extra weight. Even at my smallest adolescent weight (115) and my smallest adult weight (130) I have been called every fat insult in the book. For a better visualization I'm 5'2 and according to the flaw filled BMI calculator 115 and 130 are perfectly normal for that height. In the eyes of the world around me it wasn't. Therefore, i got the idea in my mind that no matter what weight I was I'd always be fat.....fast forward to the future I weigh more than both those amounts (not combined thankfully) by quite a bit and nothing has been resolved.
I've let strangers, boyfriends, lovers, old friends, co-workers, school mates label me all my life and I don't know why. Well...maybe I'm a masochist. Fact is even when I was comfortable in my own skin at any weight I've been I've always gotten a huge smack in the face by someone who feels my comfort should be their target. This was wrong. I regret it greatly. I wish i would have told them to fuck themselves with a chainsaw and not gently. But I didn't and I can't change time.
Moving on from this pity party. I can't change my past but I am in charge of my future. I have high hopes for this future. I got out of a pretty serious relationship a few months back, a huge reason being my life was really not where i wanted it to be and the person I was with didn't think the future me fit the mold of who he wanted me to be. Oh well. I'm hurt. I'm not broken. Right now is a time for me to be selfish and to go after what I want. To be the person that I would want to meet and get to know. I need to not give a fuck about others expectations for me and just live life for me. Selfish? Somewhat but necessary.
This blog is for me to vent about health issues, the highs and lows of becoming fit and a long long journey to meeting my new future self.
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