Some Enchanted Evening....

Good stuff.

New years resolution: Drink more tea. I received two recommendations for a hipster tea shop right across from the parking garage I leave my car in during work. I was helped by a hipster gentleman with an afro who told me to stop sleeping on my stomach as it was bad for me. Dude I get it. I am like a walking disease but don't tell any future insurance providers.

I'll have to go back next payday as I would have bought more but buh...the holidays and rent aka student loan bill.

Enchanted Evening included lavender, mint, rose hips and chamomile. I think cinnamon as well.

Tea Press from Bodum. Tea cups from the thrift store.

Sleep to Dream

Story of MY life!
I'm writing you as a sleep deprived lady. Since well...Thanksgiving yeah...a week ago I have had trouble sleeping. I have a problem of plenty. The first being my neck is too short to support my huge head and my stomach sleeper pillows are suffering the consequences. Secondly, to support my neck I wrap my arms under the pillow. This does help but one week prior I woke up to a painfully numb hand. Think tiny knives being placed all over my palm and fingers and that's what I felt. Thirdly...oh yeah it keeps going I have nightly anxiety. I freak out about everything, how fat I am, how I wish I looked like a lady worthy of the Governor when I sleep, The Governor.......

He is so hot....

Continued How poor I am, how ill traveled I am, how my family struggles EVERYTHING!!!!! I used to stay awake at night because I couldn't imagine sleeping in a world so fucked up that animals live in puppy mills and factory farms. God damn all puppy mill people to HELL!Then it continues. I think about the ill effects this is having on my body. I am irritable at work, I don't want to work out (then the ass hole voice in my head is like if you don't sleep your work out will be ineffective and the same voice is telling me how fat I am and how I won't look like a woman unless I go to the gym) FUUUUUUCCCCKKKK YOUUUUU. Another personal reason for me worrying about my recent sleep disturbances. A mind at rest can not properly function. Sleep disorder is linked to Alzheimer s. A gene in which I do carry and am likely to get if I do not care for myself. And early onset Alzheimer's is becoming more prevalent in our society. This concerns me more than weight loss. I've seen what Alzheimer's does and I hope I do not have to go through that, let alone if I have children that they need to witness that.

Anyway I've been really bad. I've resorted to buying over the counter everything. I am keeping Zzquill and Advil PM in business. Its gotten to the point where I am in mass pain because I am not sleeping. My head feels it, my chest, my legs, my stomach everything. Since food not only affects your waistline and your new found celibacy I've decided to write about my struggle.

 

I've bought some cheap Chamomile tea but I need to visit a tea shop (not Teavana) and invest in a great blend. I regret not stocking up while I was in Chinatown a year ago, but I had I gone there first I wouldn't have had money for the rest of the vacation. I have also promised myself only 10-15 min of internet before bedtime and then it must be turned off. No exceptions not even Pandora. Then I start to read. Read till I feel sleepy and then sleep. This sorta worked last night. My body felt tired. I read a bit then tried to sleep. I think it took me longer than I would have liked to fall asleep but I did eventually. 

Here are some other tips that I will be trying and report back to on them.The last one is for me and anyone who is trying to switch to AM work outs. I prefer the evenings to work out but I really really really need to switch to the am. Especially in winter I hate going out in the dark cold night. The pro of nighttime work outs is less people and less annoying trainers. But going in the morning does get it out of the way and gives me my free time to go home and watch ten hours of What not to Wear. Pleasant Dreams everyone.

Veggies of the Snow

I hate vegetables. Mostly because I wasn't raised with them and secondly because every time I have a plate of greens before me I am like FUCK I'm on a diet aren't I? Some people think I'm crazy for my hate. I think so too. Well... a little. If you aren't raised on specific foods than adapting them into your adult life will be a harder transition. My advice to parents...make your kids eat their greens!

In season vegetables;

Sweet Potatoes:

Winter Squash:

Kale: An overrated veggie in my opinion but all the rage for health nuts.

Artichokes: These are yum and even better thrown over pizza or pasta. ( I know forever celibate.)

Celary, carrots and cauliflower:

Brussel sprouts, cabbage, and broccoli:

Leeks and Onions:

Potatoes and Radishes: Delish. Fuck paleo and other potato haters.

Fruits of the Snow

Hi everyone and Happy Thanksgiving ! I've read to make this blog more successful aside from having my own personal success I need to update it at least 2 to 3 times a week. So here I am lovelies. I really want to make an effort to eat fruits and veggies in season. Its not just good for your body but it is also better for your planet. If you are like me and live in perpetual cold rain land or in the middle of no where your local varieties might well...not exist. The second best thing to do if you can not shop local or are not lucky enough to have your own green house is to shop in season. Here are some yummy fruit options this winter.


CLEMENTINES are small, sweet orange available from December through the winter.

GRAPEFRUIT from California, Texas, Florida, and Arizona comes into season in January and stays sweet and juicy into early summer.

KIWIS grow on vines and are harvested winter through springing warmer and temperate areas.

LEMONS AND MEYER LEMONS tend to be at their best winter and spring.

MANDARINS are sweet and juicy in winter.

ORANGES add sunny brightness to winter eating.

PEARS have a season that runs from mid-summer well into winter, depending on the variety and region.

PERSIMMONS are available for a short window in the fall and early winter - look for bright, heavy-feeling fruits.

SATSUMAS have loose skins and super-sweet tangerine flavor.

TANGERINES are oranges' sweeter, more honeyed cousins. As with all citrus fruit, look for specimens that feel heavy for their size.

Pretty much any citrus treats are in season this winter. Oh I did forget to add pomegranates! These guys are great in salads, yogurts(coconut) and eaten with dark chocolate.

There and Back Again

Its been a while blog. I haven't written in you in um...over a month. Remember I said, its not you its me after spewing out my heart and soul I left you high and dry. Sorry. But you know as well as I have that this last year has really sucked. Its been uneventful and when events have occurred they've been bad ones. It seemed to be never ending. First world problems aside, yes I know starving children, prostitutes, and Renee Zellwingers face job...it could be worse. I do recognize that.  But for me as you know...I expected so much more.

Last you heard from me I did try the liver cleanse detox. Aside from constant hunger, which seriously I don't get how people lose weight without being anorexics. I still have not figured this out. And if someone says, try protein I will hit you. Virtually hit you or physically hit you whatever is quickest. Safe to say the diet didn't work out as I; 1. wasn't eating enough. 2. was ready to eat my fist 3. I hated everything because I was so hungry. I caved and I binged. I'm pretty sure it was a taco bell binge, the only place I have had food poisoning from. And I kept eating there. Not just because I fancy tacos, but probably because I was so upset at myself for giving up that I prayed the tacos would make me sick again. Catholic punishment minus the fact that I don't consider myself a catholic or own a whip or hair vest.

Long story short. That's when I decided to take a break from the blog. I don't know how many people read this. Maybe a handful, maybe fifty, maybe none but I didn't want to put on a charade. I gave up. Again. I didn't need to face that just yet. I ran from it.

You may be asking yourself this as you read; Does this bitch even want to lose weight? Why is she making it so hard? Taco bell is not real food or I fucking love taco bell bring back the bell beefer! The answer is yes I want to lose weight. I have wanted to so badly. It truly does make me feel better when I am smaller both physically and mentally. I am pretty sure I have Diabetes 5 now! "Why is she making it so hard?" I don't fucking know maybe because I have had everyone from a mother of three who thinks she knows the world, to an uptight male paleo blogger who only dates Asians and is 100 pounds, to girls who just decided to lose weight and it came so naturally to them try to tell me to just give up starch and just work out and everything will be okay. I am here to tell you that cutting out a food group.... DOESN'T MAKE EVERYTHING OKAY! I already suffer from social and personal anxiety even sometimes but rarely resulting in anxiety attacks. When I am told I can't have something or am faced with the burden of hunger I lash out and cave.

I am going to cut to the chase as I am pretty tired and I know you want me to cut to the chase. This year...if it has offered anything has been a year of reflection. What do I want? What do I absolutely not want? I think I've figured it out mostly. What I want more than anything is to be healthy. I want to live the life I know I should be living. I am the captain of my soul. I also want a job where i feel valued and can take care of myself. I want to travel Europe, I want to love again, I want to have sex again (yes I went there), I want to start living like a woman on the verge of her 30s and not like that scared 19 year old I was 10 years ago. I don't want to waste my time with people that don't respect me. I don't want relationships with little or no value and I don't want to settle. 

 A good friend told me in regards to certain people in relationships , "We all get the person we deserve. They are a reflection of ourselves in one way or another. Whether we accept it or not! We only get what we think we can have. " I think about this in regards to my ex and his current relationship. And it is not a good thing,  And I think about it in regards to what we had. I was settling. There was love but...he was going one way and I was going another.

I know I only have five weeks left of this year. Well six if you count half a week as one....which no one does okay...5 and a half weeks. But I don't want to let this year have been a total waste. My birthdays next month. 29...fuck me right? Not sure if I'll do a whole lot but a martini and a piece of cake sounds good. And then there is Thanksgiving which is more awesome than Christmas because you get to eat like a pig without buying people presents. 

Aside from the holidays I've made a vow to myself. Rather than wait for the new year because by the time the new year rolls around and I have been dormant I'll have gained holiday weight. No bueno. My vow is I will start a good work out routine now. Cardio 3-4 times a week, one day strength (will build up to two by week three but I am a MUTANT and gain muscle like a man minus the sweet fat loss) and one to two days of pilates/yoga. That seems like a lot right? Well if you plan it accordingly its really just 5-6 times a week gym time which is what I should be doing to lose weight. 

As far as my diet goes...well the holidays are coming. I won't make promises like no mashed potatoes or pie like some sick fuck would but I will say I'll try to make healthier decisions daily. Like nix the soda for water, eat veggies at night instead of chips, you know gluten does you no good and your ass hates dairy so maybe limit to one every other day till you the new year when you will try to go sans dairy and gluten. 

I know I won't lose mass weight as I planned. But it will get me ready for the new year to start doing some real kick ass work outs and to make eating right an easier transition. I don't vow to do paleo, vegan or anything too much of a commitment but I am trying to listen to my body and sadly I think it is outgrowing fried foods, gluten and dairy and ...sniffle sniffle....refined sugar. 

 

As my image says; "one step: choosing a goal and sticking to it. Changes everything."

My goal is 125. I won't say what I weigh now but its a lot more than 125. I don't know how long it will take. But that is who I am meant to be. 

Goal number two: Get a job where you can take care of yourself, buy more decent organic groceries and save and pay off debt. Goal one and Goal two should actually be fused into one super goal. MUST ACCOMPLISH.

More than words

More yummy recipes (not my own!)

http://ohmyveggies.com/recipe-sweet-potato-pizza-with-kale-and-caramelized-onions/

http://www.eatingbirdfood.com/2012/09/healthy-pizza-with-a-cauliflower-crust/