Goals are dreams of the future

DISCLAIMER: Below are images of thin women. Not gangly starving pro anorexic women, but thin women. I am not killing myself through slow starvation. I do not throw up after I eat, I do not have that weird obsessive exercise condition (which I really wish gyms would stop targeting fat people and start targeting the elliptical addicts.) I have been accused of every mental and eating disorder for venting my feelings and I do not have any of these. If you have seen me at Olive Gardens never ending pasta bowl you know damn well I like to eat.

Remember that last blog I wrote? Right, because I just posted it? Well.. I really need to start writing more because I have a lot to say. Food, fitness, diet trends, the way the world views food, the way America views food, people who I think shouldn't breed...you know important things.

I'm a day dreamer or as professionals say perpetually ADD. My head is always in the clouds and I can easily lose focus. I think that this is another cause for why it is difficult for me to stay on a path of better health. I do want it but maybe I have not accepted what truly wanting it requires.

My weight loss goals are mostly superficial. I want to look better naked.

I've also actually never had a collarbone. Right now you are all thinking ?????? What do you mean? Simple; I've never had a prominent collarbone. Even in my younger days, childhood, adolescence and when I was once upon a time 118 pounds I never saw it. I sometimes think that I might have been born without one. But I have proof I indeed have one.


I want to lose weight but I don't think I could or would want to get down to 100lbs or less. That would be a serious drop. I've had friends tell me I could and that I am probably suppose to be that tiny. My mother and I have similar builds. My dad said when she was younger and 110 pounds she looked like a bobble head. If you have seen me in person. You can attest to the fact that I have a huge head. But collarbones... I desire you.....

I also want shoulder blades. I have never seen them on me but I know they exist as well.

There I just want a prominent collar bone and some sexy shoulder blades. I don't like ribcages because they remind me of carcass and if you bend over and your spin sticks out....eww I think you described a scene from the movie Alien.

Like I said a superficial goal, but a goal nonetheless.

You also remember what I said last blog...about not wanting a relationship and not understanding people who are always in one (not speaking to people who are in happy loving relationships. I am talking to those who can't be alone and just cling to whomever is in their vicinity.)

Well anyway as I said I was someones girlfriend for four years and I am in no rush to reclaim that title. Give me any other title, Artist, blogger, writer, foodie, friend, sister, daughter, some-what vapid but don't give me the girlfriend title. It simply is not important to me at this time.

I feel that because I spent a long time with someone I did lose a bit of my youth. When I start to date I realize it will be difficult. Maybe the guy is looking to settle down, maybe not, maybe they will have children and I'm awkward with children, who knows. But I will deal with that when the time comes.

A friend told me about another friend of hers who was dating a billionaire but he didn't spend a lot of time with her.
My response; does he give her money?
 Hers: No its not like that.
Disappointment washes over my face as she continues to talk about the relationship.
Then I ask: Does he take her to nice places at least? She says yes but talks about the relationship.

See this is my new mindset. Normally I'd be concerned with the flow of the relationship but I was just sad she did not get any profit from dating a billionaire. Christian Grey and Ana from Fifty Shades of Shit sucked as did that book but the most exciting part of the series was when he deposited 20,000 in her account as "punishment". I have bills to pay, my parents have bills to pay, I was a dumb ass who decided to go to college when I couldn't afford it. If you know of any single billionaires that don't require a lot of my time and will give me things....pleased to meet you. In my fantasy he looks like this.

One day I'll want to settle down. I do and have always wanted that fabled unattainable soul-mate. Someone to experience the world with, grow old with, raise a child with. That perfect person. I know perfect person is not a reality but when you love someone that person becomes wonderful in your eyes, despite flaws. I have to believe that one day I will be in a happy relationship because I will have been committed to myself before being committed to them. One day I will have someone down on bended knee and it will be the right time.


Until then....and I am sorry for the TMI. I want this. Reason number 8043823798123891281 to get into shape. Because one day probably a lot sooner than later I will want to have sex again. Protected. Always protected, of course.