Tribute to Starch

Dear Starch-

I regret to inform you that we need to take some time apart. It is not you, it is me. I can't control myself when I am around you. When we meet it is love at first sight and I become lost in the bounty of your bread basket. You give me comfort when I am sad and you bring me joy when I am happy. You have been good to me but have also hurt me. After reading the Glycemic Load book by Robert Thompson it has just validated the fact that you are making me fat. Not meat, not dairy, not the occasional chocolate treat but you. Well...you and lack of exercise on my part. Its worse than being gluten intolerant, because I can not tolerate any starch. Rice included. That is why I gain weight in my middle, why I'll continue to gain weight in my middle if I don't part ways. I won't say that I'll never come back. Dr. Thompson said glucose shocks occur if you are constantly eating starch and eating items with a high load (over 100). A piece of bread will not kill you so long as the rest of your diet is fine and you exercise. A palm of potato fries or rice will not hurt either. But for now we need to seperate. I need to experience life without you. And I need to treat myself better and you are not treating me better right now. With regret and sadness we part for now but will someday hopefully be reunited once more.

With love,

Moi.

Farmed Fish- Frankenfish

Seafood....you hate it or you love it. Salmon has been a food that since before I started dieting I loved. Slather it with a delicious marinade and serve it up with some tasty white rice and I am yours!

However when I first ever started dieting and had strict orders from a past personal trainer to cut back on the carbs drastically I started eating grilled salmon, pepper with a dash of olive oil and either a dark green salad blend or broccoli. Shoot my taste buds in the fucking face.

The texture was not good and I just kept reliving this image from the Loca Bear Grylls every time I chewed....

Gag me. I couldn't finish it. Too bland and fatty. Don't get me started on dark greens and broccoli. I like both just fine so long as there is some variety.

Regardless, I needed some protein in my diet and on my last costco adventure I settled on Atlantic Salmon.

I chose this one because it is cheaper than the wild caught salmon. Like ten dollars cheaper, sometimes fifteen. And for that price you get about 8 fatty salmon fillets for 15-20 dollars. Not bad yes?

Upon further study I realized that the term Atlantic Salmon is what they call farmed fish. Farmed fishing is where they have pens or cages set in open water where they keep the salmon. The salmon have limited space to swim and are fed a very high fatty diet of cornmeal. Most salmon are carnivorous so like humans(I'll discuss more about that in a differnt blog) carby meal equals franken fat fuck fish. Also with cows, Cows are suppose to live on grass and most factory farms feed cows a corn product and don't allow them much grazing room. I'll say it again because I know you'll love it. I say it to myself every day. High carb diet + limited activity = fat fuck.

Farmed fishing is also hazaradous to the environment. Waste accumulated in the fish pens can be toxic and seep into the open waters. As detailed in a link I found some farming fisheries are making hopeful efforts to changing the face of farmed fishing by raising fish inland and requiring larger pens and change of diet to something more natural. Natural to this fish, mind you.

So are you going to die from eating farmed fish? No. However the nutritional value of Farmed fish vs. Wild is different. Wild has fat but it is healthy fat the kind that is good for your brain and the rest of your body.

Since I already bought my Frankenfish I will of course it eat but will not be buying the Kirkland brand again. In the future I'll just have to buy the wild caught one and sacrficed the extra bucks. You can read more about farmed fishing here.
http://www.montereybayaquarium.org/cr/SeafoodWatch/web/sfw_factsheet.aspx?gid=49

My dinner tonight was yummy though, Frankenfish or not. I marinaded the fish in soy sauce, brown sugar, olive oil, butter and honey. I know...super sweet. I am still on the prowl for a marinade that doesn't have sugar in it. But if you are of a normal weight and you're body doesn't freak give this a try. It was sweet but not overly sweet. Just a tablespoon of each sauce and a clove of garlic (more if you desire). marinade the fish for 30-60 min but no more than that. Then  cook how you prefer.  I also made purple potatoes. Okay okay its a potato BUT specialists say that purple potatoes can help lower blood pressure and cholestral (sp?) In moderation, of course. Sadly no health professional has come up with an all carb diet that is successful in healthy weight loss.
http://www.naturalhealth365.com/tag/purple-potatoes-health-benefits

Here is a glimpse at tonights dinner. In my defense the purple potatoes I mashed were very chunky as I like them to be and I piled them high for the photo to make it look pretty. It just looks like I went bat shit with them lol. But seriously my salad was twice the size as I had devoured it quickest.

PB2?

Okay I've seen this on health blogs for the past couple of months and was curious wtf the big deal was. A few days ago we ran out of peanut butter in our house. Creamy pb, which is the only kind i will eat. So I went to the store to buy some more and I ran across this. This was essentially the same price as regular peanut butter and had less ingredients and a higher sex appeal than skippy. I say higher sex appeal because PB2 was in the health aisle and Jiffy was next to sugar free orange spread.

What is PB2? Simple. It is roasted peanuts, salt and sugar. It comes in a lose powder so you mix two tablespoons with a tablespoon of water then presto!!!!!!!!!!!! Peanut butter!!!!!!! It was good. They have a hazelnut one which i think is suppose to be like nutella.

The huge appeal aside from the little ingredients used is also the fact that it does have less fat than other peanut butters. I'll say again, fat is not bad and shouldn't be avoided in diets however too much of a good thing is a bad thing. Stay away from fat free items, eat the fat but don't binge on it.

Dynamite Tofu!

Meatless mondays

I mostly ate okay. I ate some avocado on whole wheat toast and some greek yogurt with chia seeds and fruit. At dinner I prepared a sort of tofu stir fry. I had high hopes for this but I did not like it.
It was my first experience with hoisin sauce and gotta say it is an acquired taste indeed. My sister loved it. My vegetarian mama not so much either. I did throw in some broccoli and i ate my broccoli but I left the tofu alone. I ate my one serving and settled on a different dinner (still meatless btws.)

But if you are a fan of hoisin and are vegan, vegetarian or just love tofu than you would probably really like this. Its a very simple recipe. I'll try it again but with mongolian instead of the hoisin.

Ps. Sorry I am leading you to PETAS website. But that is where I got the recipe.
http://www.peta.org/living/vegetarian-living/dynamite-tofu-with-rice-and-broccoli.aspx

Jealous of my super cute ikea rainbow dinnerware?

This is a blog about food, right?

It was intended to be. But its kind of morphed into an internal struggle of food rights and wrongs, exercise rights and wrongs, general grievances, hopeful insights and coulda woulda shoulda.

I promise though, from here on that I will post more about food. I have a lot to say about food. I am concerned with the food we as Americans put into our bodies. I am targeting Americans because we are the most unhealthy. And simply because it is where I was raised and some of what is wrong with our diet is what I find difficulty breaking ties with.

My parents did all they could for my sisters and I. I do not and would not ever consider my parents to have been bad parents. But mistakes were made, mistakes will be made with every parent child relationship and lord knows if I have children there will be many. My dad tried to keep us physically active but I hated sports. I threw huge fits when they tried to get me to play tennis and I tolerated Baseball. I liked swimming though and loved to go to the pool. But after swim class my dad would take us to Burger king to celebrate. Nothing tasted as good as chicken nuggets and a diet coke after spending hours in the pool.

We also ate at Pizza Hut maybe once a week. 

I'm not a paranoid dip. One bad meal will not make you fat, just as one good meal will not make you thin. We did not eat terrible foods every day. But I associated celebrations, special occasions and happy times with food.

Food should be a part of a celebration. Food is awesome. Food is glorious. Food has been bringing people and families together since the dawn of man. But as a parent or not a parent you have to consider what the food you are serving is doing for you/family and where did the food come from?

I've had my ups and downs in the diet world. I've tried them all. South beach(kill me), low carb (kill me ooo look how small my tummy is oooo whoops never mind because I ate spaghetti and gained 20lbs back!), Paleo( kill me, cauliflower is NOT nor should ever be a substitute for potatoes and rice. You sick bastards, potatoes are of the Earth, why discriminate) vegetarian (liked it but I was gaining weight.) Vegan ( I love Parmesan. Vegan Parmesan tastes like fingernails.) Weight watchers ( you're really going to tell me something with HFCS, Aspartame and other things I don't know is better for me than an avocado just because of the fat?) I may be fat-ish but I am not stupid.

What is a girl to do now? A girl that wants to finally grow into a sexy strong svelte HEALTHY lady? I have checked out two books via the library. 

The glycemic load diet cookbook : 150 recipes to help you lose weight 

and reverse insulin resistance

and

 
The glycemic load diet : a powerful new program for losing weight 

and reversing insulin resistance

I carry my weight in the middle. Which is cutely called Apple shape. But

the actual term for it is Insulin Resistant. This means that because

you are predisposed to carrying weight in your middle your chances

of developing every bad disease under the sun is that much higher. Including everyones favorite.

This diet focuses more on how certain foods effect blood sugar and what foods you 

should be eating more of that keep your blood from spiking and going into diabetes

attack mode. I provided links below for anyone interested.

 http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/glycemic-index-diet

 http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/the-essentials-of-starting-a-lowglycemic-diet.html

I have not started the books yet as I need to pick them up. But I look forward to reading more in 

depth what foods are doing to my  body. Here is hoping that this is simpiler to follow than

past misadventures with food. I'm talking about you, Paleo.  

Goals are dreams of the future

DISCLAIMER: Below are images of thin women. Not gangly starving pro anorexic women, but thin women. I am not killing myself through slow starvation. I do not throw up after I eat, I do not have that weird obsessive exercise condition (which I really wish gyms would stop targeting fat people and start targeting the elliptical addicts.) I have been accused of every mental and eating disorder for venting my feelings and I do not have any of these. If you have seen me at Olive Gardens never ending pasta bowl you know damn well I like to eat.

Remember that last blog I wrote? Right, because I just posted it? Well.. I really need to start writing more because I have a lot to say. Food, fitness, diet trends, the way the world views food, the way America views food, people who I think shouldn't breed...you know important things.

I'm a day dreamer or as professionals say perpetually ADD. My head is always in the clouds and I can easily lose focus. I think that this is another cause for why it is difficult for me to stay on a path of better health. I do want it but maybe I have not accepted what truly wanting it requires.

My weight loss goals are mostly superficial. I want to look better naked.

I've also actually never had a collarbone. Right now you are all thinking ?????? What do you mean? Simple; I've never had a prominent collarbone. Even in my younger days, childhood, adolescence and when I was once upon a time 118 pounds I never saw it. I sometimes think that I might have been born without one. But I have proof I indeed have one.


I want to lose weight but I don't think I could or would want to get down to 100lbs or less. That would be a serious drop. I've had friends tell me I could and that I am probably suppose to be that tiny. My mother and I have similar builds. My dad said when she was younger and 110 pounds she looked like a bobble head. If you have seen me in person. You can attest to the fact that I have a huge head. But collarbones... I desire you.....

I also want shoulder blades. I have never seen them on me but I know they exist as well.

There I just want a prominent collar bone and some sexy shoulder blades. I don't like ribcages because they remind me of carcass and if you bend over and your spin sticks out....eww I think you described a scene from the movie Alien.

Like I said a superficial goal, but a goal nonetheless.

You also remember what I said last blog...about not wanting a relationship and not understanding people who are always in one (not speaking to people who are in happy loving relationships. I am talking to those who can't be alone and just cling to whomever is in their vicinity.)

Well anyway as I said I was someones girlfriend for four years and I am in no rush to reclaim that title. Give me any other title, Artist, blogger, writer, foodie, friend, sister, daughter, some-what vapid but don't give me the girlfriend title. It simply is not important to me at this time.

I feel that because I spent a long time with someone I did lose a bit of my youth. When I start to date I realize it will be difficult. Maybe the guy is looking to settle down, maybe not, maybe they will have children and I'm awkward with children, who knows. But I will deal with that when the time comes.

A friend told me about another friend of hers who was dating a billionaire but he didn't spend a lot of time with her.
My response; does he give her money?
 Hers: No its not like that.
Disappointment washes over my face as she continues to talk about the relationship.
Then I ask: Does he take her to nice places at least? She says yes but talks about the relationship.

See this is my new mindset. Normally I'd be concerned with the flow of the relationship but I was just sad she did not get any profit from dating a billionaire. Christian Grey and Ana from Fifty Shades of Shit sucked as did that book but the most exciting part of the series was when he deposited 20,000 in her account as "punishment". I have bills to pay, my parents have bills to pay, I was a dumb ass who decided to go to college when I couldn't afford it. If you know of any single billionaires that don't require a lot of my time and will give me things....pleased to meet you. In my fantasy he looks like this.

One day I'll want to settle down. I do and have always wanted that fabled unattainable soul-mate. Someone to experience the world with, grow old with, raise a child with. That perfect person. I know perfect person is not a reality but when you love someone that person becomes wonderful in your eyes, despite flaws. I have to believe that one day I will be in a happy relationship because I will have been committed to myself before being committed to them. One day I will have someone down on bended knee and it will be the right time.


Until then....and I am sorry for the TMI. I want this. Reason number 8043823798123891281 to get into shape. Because one day probably a lot sooner than later I will want to have sex again. Protected. Always protected, of course.

what the hell do you mean its march?

What?

It seems like only yesterday we were bringing in the new year. Doesnt it? Perhaps that is just me? I think time goes by faster as you age. Personally. Balls.

You know..,.I had big hopes for myself after leaving my relationship (yes I am still talking about it, it was four years of my life.) I wanted to start living life for myself, find out who i was bla bla. Well...I sorta have. I don't feel remorse for the relationship. I still feel sorrow for how it ended but I am glad it is over. I never understood people who were serial monogamists. Really? Why leave one relationship for another? I was someones girlfriend for a long time and I am not eager to regain that title. However, I do feel that I have wasted some time. I met my ex at 23 and broke up at 27. That may not be a long gap to some, but those are some crucial years that I could have spent doing whatever I damn well please.

I don't regret the whole time spent. The first two years were great. The third...was okay. But auf wiedersehn, ja?

I wanted to be miles ahead of where I am now. I have not receeded, I certainly don't feel like a huge failure loser. I'm just not where I want to be and that is something I am having difficulties understanding why?

Some health figures say, people fear losing weight because they fear success? I don't know if this applies to me. I do want success and I do want people to tell me how fabulous I look. I do want to know that if a guy isnt into me it isnt because of my weight (he is just a bitch for not liking me) I know it sounds shallow but my weight has ALWAYS been a factor in relationships. I've had partners use it against me in many fights, yes...this includes my last ex.

Maybe I am lazy..? A little admittedly. But i don't consider spending half or more of a pay check on food that is suppose to make me feel fantastic and I don't. Whenever I've tried to abide by the rules of health gurus I just end up broke and starving. I've tried paleo I don't know how many times. The amount of meat you have to buy is disgusting to me. Also, I was starving each and every time. It wasn't even about the sugar. It was about how I felt light headed after finishing off a steak and salad. And the pesky voice in the back of my mind from other gurus (if you're hungry your metabolism will shut down and you'll get fat) And what happens....

Don't tell me living a purely organic grass fed, sunshine soaking, meadow grazing meat isn't going to be costly. If I was money bags, this wouldn't concern me. I don't think eating a sick animal is going to make you healthy (I'm talking to you America). So now we have carbs. Well...now everyone is saying they make you fat. I am living proof that this is a fact. But if I can't afford the precious healthy meat and I can't eat the carbs what option does that leave me with? Not trying....forced slothic living.

I do want to be healthy and fit, more than anyone can know. But I don't understand how something so easy and simple to some can be so difficult for me. Maybe I need a shrink? Oh wait...can't afford that either.

I know I complain a lot.  I believe that I can not break out of my comfort zone and I have the image in my mind from Girls. Maybe this is what I have to picture every time I chose a bagel over a cobb salad. What I need to picture when I just say I am doing a 30 minute elliptical run when I know damn well I have time enough to do 45.

I must say this is probably a big issue with me is getting uncomfortable. I hate being put on the spot, I kind of freak even when I'm getting a hair cut. I don't like not knowing the outcome of something. You'd think this would make me pretty OCD and messed up. I don't deny I have my own issues( thats why I got a blog!) but things could be worse. Maybe things have to get worse for a while at least before they get better? God why can't I just be one of those 3 hour a gym day freaks who orgasms over chicken salads and insults people who eat pizza. Those people suck, I don't want to be that. But I admire their devotion.

I just want to be small and healthy. I need to set goals. I need to think of the big picture. Breaking up was the best thing I could have done. Even if said ex apologized for everything and named a galaxy after me (girl can dream) I would not go back. And that is because it wasn't just the relationship that suddenly felt wrong but it was me. You can not expect others to give to you what you should be giving to yourself.