I weighed myself the other day. I was going to the doctors that afternoon and didn't want any unpleasant surprises. The good news... I haven't gained any weight. The bad news... I haven't lost any weight either. What the fuck is wrong with me?
I was discussing this with my sister earlier as she stated, "I don't get it. This was my year to totally kick ass and take charge. Wtf?"
In her defense the job market is rough. And there is just the harsh reality that you need money to make dreams happen. Sorry hippies but money does make the world go round. And this year has dealt us some heavy blows. RIP Kobe le beouf!
In my line of business I make very little money. I've had paychecks where I've had like 20 or 30 dollars to myself. The rest went to rent, bills and a huge chunk went to going to and from work ie gas. Unsexy purchases indeed. When I did have to buy healthy groceries I resented it. I closeted ate junk food because I hated the stress that comes with poverty. And I think I also suffer from depression/ anxiety with food.
With that being said, my hopes of being a more outgoing adventure seeking individual has been stifled. The desire and ambition is there but my bank account zaps me back to reality. And these are simple things. As much as I'd love to travel to Iceland asap that wasn't priority numero uno. But small things like Barre classes, cooking, close travel ie Hawaii (okay a stretch), Crater Lake ect... Just things I would have loved but couldn't budget. Oh well.... in time :(
The year is not over yet. I know this. I've been reminded daily. I am currently fishing for new employment so hopefully something bites soon...come on big tuna!
BUT yet again my weight is truly holding me back. Yes I know I can date at this weight but...please don't think I'm a snob but I feel like the standard of men I'd date right now would not be to my liking. If I learned anything from my last break up I know what I want but more importantly I know exactly what I DON'T want. I expressed to my bff that I just needed to lose 22lbs before I date again. 22 pounds is not my ultimate fitness goal (lord help me its 45!) BUT 22 pounds ago I could work the hot angle. With dark clothes, proper mood lighting, beautifully styled hair and some fancy perfume...yeah I can seduce someone...Did I say seduce? Yeah I'd be a huge liar if I said sex was not on my mind. Its a huge motivator. I'd like to not completely crush the guy pre or during sex. I've had past complaints...I know what a cunt?
So there you have it little blog. A little update for me. Future purchase: Running shoes, work out clothes (target has the cutest yoga tops and I need running capris with no holes in the crotch) and healthy LOW CARB groceries. Chicken, turkey, eggs, taco salad and cheese I am looking at you. Oh and fuck you Kale I'm looking at you too.
I truly need to stick to this. Its dyer. My future depends on it. I have to before my body becomes a museum. My dreams of Mads Mikklesen, Max Irons and The Governor are out of control! And my body is nearing 30 (28 now 29 next bday!!!!) that is when a womens libido is through the roof! Lord help me!
Oh Dream Weaver....
I need to vow my allegiance to the gym. They were kind enough to put kickboxing on their schedule. May peep that scene on Thursday. I am telling myself if I make my first goal of minus 22 lbs by Halloween I can buy myself new jeans. I really need skinny jeans. New skinny jeans and new love interest? Year.....give these things to me and a new well paying job and I will be eternally grateful!
No comments:
Post a Comment