Kale Chickpea Abomination that doesn't fill you up

I have met people who say they get full from eating a salad. When my stomach is moaning like a mummy in heat I tend to ask people what they had for lunch or are going to have. When someone says, "Oh I brought a spinach salad." I kind of look at them for a little bit as if they are going to tell me more. In my mind I am thinking, "Spinach salad with....a half a sandwich, cup of soup....a meatball sub?" I think some people pick up on this. They can read the longing in my eyes. They usually continue with, "It has carrots, onion, cucumber...um....beets...sprouts oh and my homemade salad dre-" STOP okay I get it. Its a salad. And it is suppose to not only do wonders for your colon and waistline but its suppose to be a satisfying meal.

This kale and Chickpea salad wasn't bad. But it wasn't great. It left me wanting that meatball sub I hope everyone is secretly eating for lunch. But I hate being wasteful and I need more vegetables in my life like Donald Trump needs lessons in how to not be a cunt and attract other cunts.

I provide this salad recipe for you all who can't get enough of kale and chickpeas. If I could give you all mine I would. I am still on the quest for the ultimate filling salad. I will let you know when I have found it.

GARLICKY KALE SALAD WITH CRISPY CHICKPEAS

 

From the blog : http://minimalistbaker.com/about/

30 mins

 

SUPER flavorful, 30-minute Kale Salad with a creamy roasted garlic tahini dressing and crispy tandoori roasted chickpeas!

Author: Minimalist Baker

Recipe type: Entree

Cuisine: Vegan, Gluten Free

Serves: 2-3

Ingredients

• 10 ounces (~6 cups) kale, loosely chopped or torn

CHICKPEAS

• 1 15-ounce can chickpeas, rinsed, drained and thoroughly dried
• 1.5 Tbsp olive, avocado or grape seed, oil
• 2.5 - 3 Tbsp tandoori masala spice blend* (see notes for DIY blend)

DRESSING

• 1 head garlic
• 1/4 cup tahini
• 2 Tbsp olive oil + more for roasting garlic
• 2 lemons, juiced (~1/3 cup)
• 1-2 Tbsp maple syrup (or honey if not vegan)
• Pinch each salt + pepper
• Hot water to thin

Instructions

1. Peel apart garlic cloves but leave the skin on. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
2. Add drained chickpeas to a mixing bowl and toss with oil and seasonings.
3. Add garlic cloves and seasoned chickpeas to a baking sheet. Drizzle garlic with a bit of olive or grape seed oil. Bake for 20-23 minutes, or until the chickpeas are slightly crispy and golden brown and the garlic is fragrant and slightly browned. Remove from oven and set aside.
4. Squeeze garlic out of skins / peel away skins and add to a mixing bowl. Add all remaining dressing ingredients and whisk vigorously to combine, smashing the garlic with the whisk. Taste and adjust seasonings as desired, adding more lemon for brightness and maple syrup for sweetness. Set aside.
5. Add kale to a large mixing bowl. Before adding dressing, add 1 Tbsp each lemon juice and olive oil to the kale and massage with hands to soften the texture and lessen bitterness. Then add as much dressing as desired (some may be leftover) and mix with a spoon.
6. Top with chickpeas and serve. Best when fresh, though leftovers keep in the fridge for up to a few days.

Notes

* I bought my Tandoori Masala Spice blend at Whole Foods (it's the Whole Foods Market brand), but you can easily make your own (see next note). 
*DIY Tandoori Masala Blend: 3 Tbsp cumin, 2 Tbsp garlic powder, 2 Tbsp paprika, 3 tsp ginger, 2 tsp coriander, 2 tsp cardamom. Multiply as needed.

Nutrition Information

Serving size: 1/3 of recipe Calories: 494 Fat: 29g Saturated fat: 4g Carbohydrates: 46g Sugar: 5.8gSodium: 80mg Fiber: 13g Protein: 17g

Sweet and Spicy Tofu

Let me start this post by saying I hate tofu. Truly do not like it. I've tried cooking it countless ways and paired with many of my favorite dishes. I consider myself a better baker than I do a cook. So perhaps that has something to do with it. 

I will say I have had it prepared by someone else and I enjoyed it. Therefore I am willing to say that my skill level is not on par with being a tofu expert. With that being said I would like to learn.

Tofu is cheap. Dirt cheap. Even the organic bulk at Marlene's. I know my native body would prefer wild caught salmon, scallops or perhaps a roasted chicken shot in the early morning on a farm near Enumclaw. But alas I can not afford any of those options. Because this girl thought she was going to not only be employed but employed with a legit job that allowed me to afford the kind of lifestyle I need to avoid early onset diabetes. But alas life has a different plan for me and for that I must learn how to endure tofu and chickpeas.

Sweet and Spicy Tofu was good. It was pretty damn good. It is a simple enough recipe though the clean up is a bit messy. The sauce is very thick and if you don't wash the pan after cooking it tends to harden. I would suggest adding a vegetable to the mix. Its more filling and who doesn't love veggies soaked in bad for you sauce. You know I do. ;)

 From the website: http://itdoesnttastelikechicken.com/

SWEET & SPICY SRIRACHA TOFU

Author: It Doesn't Taste Like Chicken

Prep time:  15 mins

Cook time:  20 mins

Total time:  35 mins

Serves: 4

 

INGREDIENTS

For the Tofu:

• 1 Block Extra Firm Tofu
• ⅓ Cup Cornstarch
• 2 Tablespoons Oil for Frying (more if needed)
• Cooked rice for serving.

For the Sriracha Sauce:

• 1 Cup Water
• ¼ Cup Soy Sauce
• ¼ Cup White Sugar
• 1 - 3 Tablespoons Sriracha (depending on your spice preference)
• 3 Cloves Finely Minced Garlic
• 2 Tablespoons Agave (or to taste)
• 2 Tablespoons Cornstarch + 2 Tablespoons Water

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Drain, rinse, and press the block of tofu for 15 minutes.
2. Slice the tofu into 1 inch cubes.
3. Put the cornstarch in a bowl and toss the tofu with the cornstarch in batches making sure each side is coated. Shake off excess and set aside.
4. Heat oil in a pan and fry the tofu cubes until all sides are browned. About 4 minutes each side.
5. Drain tofu on paper towel to get rid of excess oil.
6. In the meantime, mince the garlic, then add it to a sauce pan along with the water, soy sauce, sugar, Sriracha, and agave. Bring to a boil.
7. In a small bowl or glass, mix the cornstarch and water together. Whisk the cornstarch mixture into the sauce and stir until thickened.
8. Toss the sauce with the tofu and serve over a bed of rice.